March of Crosses

It’s been said that worship is not a style of music, but a style of living. I agree. Wholeheartedly. To understand that better, we should define what a lifestyle is. This is the definition the dictionary gives: “the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc., that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group.” So, to worship as a lifestyle in the context of a church community means that our habits, attitudes, tastes, morals, finances and social interactions with each other need to be done in an attitude of worship.

I’m currently learning how a community of spiritually minded people can really develop this lifestyle of worship much more effectively than any church service ever could. I’m reading a book by Dr. Larry Crabb called “Becoming a True Spiritual Community: A Profound Vision of What the Church Can Be”.

So far, Dr. Crabb has talked about how the life of a Christian is more often than not disappointing and confusing. Jesus warned us of the cost of following Him. He said in Luke 9:23-24, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up His cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” I’ve heard this described as the ministry of suffering. What is taking up your cross daily? What is my “cross” supposed to be? How do I lose my life, but also save it?

Dr. Crabb says this, which I think is extremely profound. “The path to the joy of God’s presence always leads through joyless isolation, when the part of us that most longs for connection is left painfully alone. When that happens, and when we cry out in pain, the nature of our spiritual community is revealed.”

I’ve personally been working my way through that path of joyless isolation with my small spiritual community. The challenge with it is to remember God’s goodness and trust in His provision and faithfulness even in the midst of being stripped of everything. Or, in other words, in the midst of denying myself and taking up that cross of suffering, I am still to praise Jehovah.

As a church, the goal is to help each other as we each carry our crosses. Sometimes, we will drop our crosses and try to walk without the burden. We will get splinters and sore feet and the journey will hurt. We may trip and fall into a ditch and stay there awhile.

But if we’re encouraging each other along the way, if we’re listening to the needs and cares of our brothers and sisters beside us on the journey, and if we’re keeping our hearts focused on and in tune with our first Love, we will begin to understand worship. Worship is when we give our whole selves to the journey.

So let’s pick up our crosses and sing of His love forever. Together. As a community.

This is where the Healing begins.

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to go to a conference in Northern Virginia called the Journey to Wholeness. I had no idea what I was getting into when I decided to go…but God set it up perfectly. It didn’t look like I would get the time off work, then all of a sudden it got approved. I am consistently poor, so I had no way to pay for the hotel or anything like that, and then we found that a couple in our church covered it for us. Seemed like a giant open door, so I took it.

It was held at an Anglican church. I grew up in a Baptist church, so it was very different. But I noticed immediately that these people loved the Lord. They were open to hearing His voice, to feeling His touch, and not just talking about it. Joy radiated from them more than any church I’ve ever stepped into.

The focus of the conference was on healing. Not weird charismatic healing…but inner healing. It was a 2-day process of softening up and allowing the Lord in and allowing Him to clean those dusty corners and cubicles of my heart that I hadn’t touched in years. Memories that I had willfully or absent-mindedly forgotten about were brought gently to my attention so that He could heal me of the pain they had caused me.

I’m still processing. I discovered how truly refreshing it is to just be quiet and still in the presence of God. GOD. He is so all-consuming. I could hear Him reassuring me that I am His beloved daughter, that I am valuable and special. He told me that even though people have treated me with evil intent, it is not because I deserved it. His heart broke when those things hurt me.

His heart breaks when evil happens. His heart breaks when the devil deceives His children.

I realized how many lies I had believed about God and myself. People in my life had made me feel inadequate and unimportant and un-valuable…but when I was listening to the Lord, He told me that He loved me. That those things were not true and never would be.

Security in God is better than anything.

I felt His peace. Literal perfect peace. It wasn’t a euphoric, energizing, exciting type of feeling…it was a quiet sense of goodness and wholeness and completion. That the Lord is really and truly all I need.

Now I understand that people act out of hurt sometimes…that because of those hurts, people are conditioned to act a certain way. I was conditioned not to trust guys because of things in my past. I was conditioned to put up walls to new people because I was scared they would abandon me like others have.

Fun fact: Did you know that 8,851 times in the Bible, God tells His children “I will not abandon you”?

That promise makes all the difference…it differentiates following Jesus from every other religion. That the deity we worship is WITH us always, never to leave us. It changes everything. It has definitely changed me.

So readers, even if a handful of people ever see this, I post this to encourage YOU. Get alone with Him and let Him in. He can wash you clean and give you His shalom. Let Him heal.